A Bar Stool Review of ZOMBIELAND

Ramblings: Nutting Up

Final Proof: 4 Shots You know how the best parties are the parties that start off out of control and stumble uphill from there? Those no-holes-barred affairs that are insane from the get go and get going harder at the drop of a glass? These parties are a series of successful accidents that barrel balls-out like a drunk falling off the edge of the world, all the way down to heaven.  Sure, maybe there's a slow moment while you get refills and catch your breath, but then it's back to hardcore intensity that no one tries to handle because they're so out of hand. That's what Zombieland is like.

Zombieland is a Maximator---Dutch beer with 11.6% alcohol. Maximator has bad taste, doesn't give a rat's ass what you think of its quality and will take you right where you want to go without hesitation. Kickass fun, it's a drink you drink to get wasted as fast as you can, nothing more, nothing less. It knows what it is, doesn't pretend to be anything else and won't let you down when you need it. Much like Zombieland.

The definition of a good movie is that the film achieves what it sets out to do. Zombieland is a great movie. The action is cool, the violence is gory, the dialog is funny... There are a couple weak points, however. Things get a little slow after Bill Murray's cameo (his appearance is one of the high points of the movie). The kid who has the lead (Jesse Eisenberg) is out of his league here, especially 'cause Woody Harrelson shines like he hasn't in a long time and Abigial Breslin (the Sunshine in Little Miss Sunshine) rocks her role. i almost docked Zombieland half a shot because of how amateurish Eisenberg was, but i'm feeling generous today. Besides, i haven't had this much fun in a movie in a long time, and that's gotta count for something.

Before i get carried away, i'm gonna hafta card Abigail Breslin here. She kicks it as the youngest non-zombie, but at 12 years old, she's not allowed past this point.

 

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)


Sex: 2 Shots


The first glimpse we get is a stripper zombie running topless in slow-mo with her tassels swinging hypnotically.

 

 After that, while there is no nudity, we meet 406 (Amber Heard---23) who is very hot, especially before she turns:

i Heard That!

Rounding out the Talent part of our blog is Emma Stone (21) as "Wichita".

For the women brave enough to brave this post, there's Woody Harrelson, cooler than ever:

For those of you who prefer twink chic, especially if they can't act, there's Jesse Eisenberg:

 Drink: 2 Shots

A couple of drink references... The first one is Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) taking shots from a fifth while driving. He pours a shot for Colombus (Jesse Eisenberg), who tosses it out of the truck window and only pretends to drink it. Wichita (Emma Stone) and Columbus (Eisenberg) find a bottle of 1997 Georges de la Tour in Bill Murray's palace and reminisce about 'the old days' before they drink it. Finally, Tallahassee (Harrelson) wears a beer hat. You know, a construction worker's helmet with a can holder attached to each side and plastic tubing leading from the cans to your mouth. Later on, Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) wears it but substitutes Pepsi for beer. Don't believe me? Here's proof:

Rock & Roll: 4½ Shots
The music is so hard core for this movie that i'm giving it a post of it's own as soon as i figure out how to post multiple songs in one player. You get a taste of things to come with the Metallica at the top of the post. Apart from that, the 'tude of the film is harder than even the music. We are talking about, perhaps, the Rock and Roll film of the year here, people.

Boring Technical Crap


Written by: Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick

Directed by: Ruben Fleischer

Starring:

Amber Heard - 406
Abigail Breslin - Little Rock
Emma Stone - Wichita
Woody Harrelson - Tallahassee
Bill Murray - Bill Murray

Bottom Line

Definitely see it.