Bar Stool Review of MR. NOBODY

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Wallace Collection - Daydream

Ramblings: Mr Sumpin'

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you drink with a freak, someone truly unique? He talks about crap you don't know if it's over your head or is complete BS but for the most part you don't care as long as he looks cool and his bull doesn't get in the way of your sh*t. There's also this pressure to like the guy because he's kinda intellectual and if you don't wanna hang with him it means you're probably a little slow. Sometimes you wonder if the weirdo is just acting that way to be different or if he actually believes the babble he's spewing but time flows as smoothly as the booze and you don't check your watch so you might as well sit back and enjoy the ride. Mr. Nobody is that kind of unique.

Mr. Nobody is a movie about choices and about how alternate lives get led no matter what the choice made is. Like i could be in a bar and chose to drink a pint of Heineken, a bottle of red, or a coke. In "La La Land" all of those choices are made and all the separate me's go on to live their separate lives, ad nauseum (especially if i drink the bottle of wine and chose to keep drinking).

There's a lot of what Brandi Alexandra and i label "Woo-Woo Sh*t" going on in Mr. Nobody but most of the time the flick looked so damn good that the philosophy didn't get in the way of a good time. i'm not going to lie to you, Mr. Nobody is super philosophical and touches on quantum physics, the butterfly effect and string theory. It's all presented clearly enough but there's a lingering aftertaste of, "So what, none of this changes how i gotta pee after three beers."

What i'm saying is, don't see this movie buzzed, it's hard enough to follow even when your dead sober. Because the movie doesn't go in a straight line but in beautifully drawn circles and curlicues. There is no clear picture, even if the overall design is pretty. Still, considering all the risks Jaco van Dormael took with the directing, he could've gone out on a few more limbs with the story.

So yeah, it's worth seeing if you don't take it too seriously. Or, it's worth seeing if you take it very seriously. If you're just looking for something shiny and pretty to pass the time, choose to pass this one by.

Before we get in any deeper, i carded Clare Stone, who does a magnificent job as Elise at 15, and i couldn't find her birthdate anywhere. 'Cause of that i'll post her photos here---she's not allowed to go any further.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1/2 Shot

There's this crazy trend to have all these super hot girls in movies and to keep them as clothed as a sober Eskimo eating ice cream at Christmas. Seriously, you know what action we get here? Jared Leto nipple action. Twice. Just sayin'.

Diane Kruger (33), almost unrecognizable as a brunette, plays Anna gorgeously. The gorgeous part was easy, the acting part is pure talent, yo.

Sarah Polley (31) does a solid job of playing a whack job that resembles quite a few of my exes.

Coming in as the third wife, we've got Linh Dan Pham (36), Vietnamese but raised in France.

Playing Anna at 15, we got British actress Juno Temple who, at 20, is 5 years off the mark.

In a totally understated role (i'm not sure what i mean by this but i read it on a real blog somewhere and thought it sounded intelligent), there's Natasha Little (40) as Nemo's Mom:

Here are some of those Silken Butterflies that flit across the screen as briefly as they are beautiful:

Sarah Gravel was 'Sad Woman':

Here's Christelle Cornil (32---she was rockin' as Coma nurse 1, which means she kicked Coma nurse 2's ass) in The Bar None:

After that we have a little one for the ladies. A lot of web sites have been ripping poor little Jared Leto (38) a new one but i think he did a solid job here playing nine different roles. Sure, the makeup helped but he held his own and so y'all gotta stop hating on him just because he has more hair than you.

IN AN EXCLUSIVE SCOOP: i offer here irrefutable evidence that Jared Leto is, in fact, Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal's gay love child. Watch...

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Here are some Jared shots...

Drink: 0 Shots

Not even a reference to drinking. Dry as a bone, babes. Wait, one of the songs is The Andrew Sisters doin' "Rum & Coca Cola". Yeah, like that counts for somethin'. Me doin' all The Andrew Sisters while they're messed up on Rum & Cokes...now that would count for something.



Rock & Roll: 3 Shots

Speaking of music...

Because Mr. Nobody is all about choices, you get to choose what to listen to as you polish off this blog.

Either Nena - 99 Luftballons

Or The Pixies - Where Is My Mind

Both are in the movie so either one counts.

While the music in Mr. Nobody isn't really rock, the songs they used were super eclectic and all kinds of styles. I'ma tell you something: The best thing about the movie is pro'lly the music 'cause the director, Jaco van Dormael, did an excellent job of matching the music to the feeling of the scene. Like Otis Redding's "For Your Precious Love" when young Nemo falls in love for the first time. Dead on.

The problem is, in Mr. Nobody the director hired one of his relatives to write the music and you can't believe how impossible it is to find a simple list of the real songs they borrowed for this freaking thing. Thank god for Brandi Alexandra who told me to do search in French. i found the following on some obscure blog and had to add a couple songs myself that were missing so i can't swear this is a complete list. Seriously though, you better read this whole list and freakin' memorize the damn thing 'cause you can't imagine how many hours i spent lookin' for it and what a pain in the ass it was to type it all up. Swear to god.

• Otis Redding - For Your Precious Love
• Cecilia Bartoli - Casta Diva
• Daniel Varsano - Troisieme Gymnopedie
• The Chordettes - Mister Sandman
• Emmylou Harris - Mister Sandman
• Gob - Mister Sandman
• Michel Simone - Pavane Op. 50
• The Academy Of St. Matrtin In The Field Chorus - Pavane OP. 50
• Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)
• Johann Sebastian Bach - Prelude
• Pixies - Where Is My Mind?
• Wallace Connection - Daydream
• Nena - 99 Luftballoons
• Ella Fitzgerald - Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall
• Mstislav Rostropovich - Canto Primo (Sostenuto E Largamente)
• Henryk Gorecki - Three Pieces In Old Style
• Pascal Rogé - Gnossienne 3
• Eugenie de Mey - What Power Art Thou
• The Andrew Sisters - Rum And Coca Cola
• Benjamin Britten - Sentimental Saraband Poco Lento E Peasnte

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Jaco van Dormael

Directed by: Jaco van Dormael

Starring

Diane Kruger - Anna

Sarah Polley - Elise

Linh Dan Pham - Jean

Juno Temple - Anna age 15

Clare Stone - Elise age 15

Natasha Little - Nemo's mom

Sarah Gravel - Sad woman

Christelle Cornil - Coma nurse 1

Jared Leto - Nemo Nobody

Bottom Line

If you think $58 million for an experimental movie makes perfect sense, then you have the perfect mindset for Mr. Nobody.